Looking at this one today. The Fourth Hour of the Afternoon by Michael Chitwood, in Field, via Poetry Daily.
Reading this as an optimistic piece. As always, I’m a sucker for religious underpinnings, and here I particularly like the title (although the “fourth” hour is a bit off in terms of the Divine Office, which goes 6, 9, 12, 3 etc, but maybe something else was meant), the Pentecost, and the rain as a contemplative monkish figure.
S1 and 2 seem to be setting up the heat and humidity (spiritual stultification, one concludes) that S5 and S6 will resolve. I see the need for the set-up, but not liking several of the images – gauze tape clunked sonically for me, and it just didn’t conjure up clammy close uncomfortable humidity. The automotive images (cicadas as gear boxes and chuffing troll motors) also failed for me. You can see where references to first aid and polluting engines could evoke broken things in need of fixing, but it doesn’t knit together for me.
In fact, the piece doesn’t begin to take off in my view until S3 L3 – but I do love that line, and its line- & strophe break. Not really getting the literal import of the Lords and the fatted calves, (and hm, fatted calves could be a lot fresher linguistically) but I like the notion of them translating blood, and am content not to get the lines completely. Nice hints of fatness and decadence, of corruption and sacrifice – things that need to be cleaned up and purified. Also like the Old-Testamenty pre-salvation atmosphere these images evoke.
I think Pentecost in the pine tops is lovely, it feels and sounds like a revival and makes one sit up. What is “that herd”, though in S5L2? This reference seems to come out of nowhere. The shiver which is ozone sharp works very well for me, but the hot tin negates this new wave of redemptive coolness – negates the concept of shiver only just mentioned and is conceptually confusing.
S6 is very nice though, and well-handled. Although I might balk a little bit at the repetition in one line of “prayer”, it’s overall a great image, unexpected and strong. Like the alliteration in S6 too.
Overall, a 6 out of 10, maybe? Still working on that grading system. We’ll get there.
